“Cancer treatment made me relinquish my body to medical professionals. How can I feel more ownership of my own body and my own pleasures?”
Cancer nurse Beth says...
You’re a different person after your cancer treatment. You are definitely the owner of your body, but it’s changed and it is important for you to re explore your body and what feels good now as this may have changed too. Try to make this a fun process rather than a task that needs to be achieved. Take time to understand what makes you feel good this can be something you can involve a partner with or you may want to do on your own.
Sex toy expert Renee says...
It’s time to take back your body and see it in a new, sensual light. How about a weekly date night with yourself? Take some time out, hang a do-not-disturb sign on the door, and spend time rediscovering your body and what turns it on. Try different ways of touching yourself; try a toy or two, figure out what your body wants. The more you practice, the more natural it will become and the more ownership you will feel.
Pyschosexual therapist Kate says...
This is a really common experience with cancer and cancer treatment, as in a way we have to give up at least a part of our bodies to other people and often multiple people, multiple times and it can be incredibly invasive. You may feel that you have to get to know your body again and rebuild a relationship with your body and yourself. Expectations can hinder this as we may constantly compare ourselves to where we were, how we felt, and how our body worked or responded before cancer and treatment; and so a part of the process may be acceptance.
Building a sexual relationship with self, is about building a solid foundation with sensuality. Starting small like exploring different types of touch in the bath or shower, or when moisturising can help you to try different types of touch on different body parts and allow you to notice what feels good and what doesn’t, without expectation. Self-education and learning can help us to develop a greater sense of self-confidence, and we can then take this into experiences with partners and communicate to them clearly about our likes, dislikes and preferences.
Apps like Ferly have audioguided exercises and content to help you, if you want some real time assistance or don’t know where to start.
Patient advocate Maria says...
Taking out 1 day a week to just focus on pampering yourself can go a long way. We get so caught up in everyday life, it’s hard to realise and acknowledge sometimes we neglect our own personal needs, which then, in the long run, we’re losing parts of ourselves without understanding how it happened. Doing something that makes YOU feel like YOU – like spending the whole day in bed doing nothing, washing your hair, buying some nice lounge wear, or waking up, getting dressed and relaxing at home. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive, the little touches can help you reconnect with yourself again. You are more than just a patient, more than the chemo and therapies. And just as well as fighting cancer with drugs/therapies, we also need to heavily focus on fighting it mentally as well.
