Select Page

“How do I start a conversation with a new partner about sex, and that it can be painful for me?”

Cancer nurse Beth says...

If this is a conversation that you are a bit nervous about having, it’s a good idea to rehearse it a bit beforehand. If you have a close friend who you trust you could discuss it with them and talk about how you might start the conversation and how it might go.

Communication is key. Try to focus on all the things that you can do and that make you feel good rather than focusing on what you can’t do. Define in the positive: X feels good for me, but Y doesn’t.

Try to think about sex as more than just penetrative, like many people traditionally do. Sex should be about whatever feels good to you and your partner.

Sex toy expert Renee says...

Starting the conversation is hard, but potential pain is something that needs talking about. Our suggestion is to open a dialogue when you are doing something else, like walking side by side. It will feel more relaxed, and you can avoid eye contact if it feels difficult. You can just walk and talk. You could say that you’d like to be intimate, but they need to be aware that it could be painful for you. Your partner might need some time to think about it, and they’ll probably have questions, but it’s the first step. Suggest starting out with sexy things that you know won’t cause pain, as this will build confidence and trust between you both.