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“How can I grieve the body I lost? Sex is different now. How do I come to terms with this?”

Cancer nurse Beth says...

There are lot of ways to define sex. How you perceive yourself also plays a huge part in your sexuality and whether you are thinking about sexuality merely as a physical act. Sexuality is about the whole person, so going through what you have may cause a profound effect on you physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. It is important to take the time to get to know your body again and regain a sense of control of its functions and how it feels.

Self exploration is a good way to help yourself, look at your body and allow yourself to feel good about the features that please you and be kind to yourself and acknowledge the progress you have made. Touch yourself and learn what feels good and what doesn’t. It sometimes helps to remove penetrative sex out of the equation until you are more comfortable with your body.

Sex toy expert Renee says...

You are allowed to feel angry and sad at what you have lost, but pleasure is still possible. It’s about finding out what works for you now, and this is best done on your own. Partner sex can be lots of fun, but we learn so much more about our own pleasure and bodies through masturbation. Figuring out what floats your sexy boat means you can take this information into sex with a partner and teach them how to give you pleasure in ways that work for you now.

Also, we think a therapist could be helpful for you. They would provide a safe space for you to talk openly about how you feel about your old body, your new body, sex, and anything else that is eating up energy.

Co-founder Joon-Lynn says...

Authors bell hooks and M Scott Peck speak about community as the ‘coming together of a group of individuals who have learned how to communicate honestly with each other, whose relationships go deeper than their masks of composure, and who have developed some significant commitment to rejoice together, mourn together, and to delight in each other, and make other’s conditions our own.’ Can you grieve with your community, with the people you trust and love around you? Can you hold a memorial, a ritual, a reading, in which you speak about the grief you feel, and allow that to be the grief to be held by others? This may not make the pain you feel go away, but it does mean it is shared, and that you are being held.